the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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