6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
