Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
