3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he was CRYING into my vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
