Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
