She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You took a bar mat shot.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love you.
Bad choice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
