why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
