This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
