I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
