my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
