Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
