I think i peed on brittanys purse
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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