Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
