I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
