is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
no, he came in my armpit
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
