Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
