I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
