Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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