I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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