Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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