Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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