We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
