no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
