Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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