I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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