He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
