I cockslap morals
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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