I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
