I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
