Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
