I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
