shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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