Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
