and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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