Sry I called you an 8
im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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