wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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