I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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