I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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