you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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