Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
