the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Lo siento on account of my penis...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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