let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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