eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize