dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize