I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
