that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
