What did we do last night that was yellow?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
