what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
