We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
