around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
