my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
