im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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