why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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