He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
