you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
