just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
