the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
