i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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