i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
