I should be sponsored by Trojan
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize