New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
