Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
